# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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