Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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