I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We need a shit load of segways right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
