Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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