woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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