it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
