no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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