shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
