ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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