last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
