dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Come share oat with me in your robe
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
