hell yes lets make some ravioli
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize