Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
