My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
