so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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