I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
