i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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