I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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