just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
