did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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