i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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