the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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