party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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