Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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