Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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