She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
