This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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