walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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