Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
