I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
