I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
