I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
