Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
vagina is talking i cant
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
