I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
