You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
