I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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