Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
