dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
