Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
