planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
