i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
