Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
