i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
