He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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