By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
