so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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