My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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