worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
