R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
