Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize