we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
