I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
