you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
