wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
