Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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