it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
