I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
