Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
