a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
