Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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