It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
