Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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