Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
