dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
