Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
