i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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