do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
