I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
