Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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