our cab driver is having phone sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
