I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
