You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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